MCM Week 10: (Not So) Perfect Ten

In the last week of a New Jersey summer, I expected to be able to knock out a 55-mile week in training with little interruption while some clients were away on vacation, but my body had other plans for me. I usually don’t mind working during the times when the office is quiet, but I suppose because I haven’t had my own vacation, I was reaching a burnout and still had 2 months until my very short (and hardly restful) trip to D.C. to run a marathon.

Here's the plan breakout for Week 10:

·       Sunday – 14 miles Long

·       Monday – 6 miles Easy

·       Tuesday – 11 miles Strength: 1.5 miles WU, 4 x 1.5 miles @ MP-10 seconds w/ 0.5 mile jog, 1.5 mile CD

·       Wednesday – Cross-train

·       Thursday – 10 miles Long

·       Friday – 6 miles Easy

·       Saturday – 9 miles Easy

What actually happened:

·       Sunday – 14 miles Long

·       Monday – Rest

·       Tuesday – 6 miles Easy

·       Wednesday – Rest

·       Thursday – 10 miles Long

·       Friday – 6 miles Easy

·       Saturday – 6 miles Easy

We got home late Saturday night after a fun Grateful Dead themed BlueClaws game, so I didn’t sleep well the night before my long run. I didn’t map out a new route and wanted the security of knowing I could stop if I needed to, so I ran on the same sidewalk to Long Branch and back. I started too late for the cool pink and purple sunrise, but it was still a beautiful morning. It was very hot and humid again, so I was sweating within the first 2 miles. I was a little faster than the previous week’s 14-miler and stuck in a threshold pace, but I felt alright during the run. I had trouble recovering for the rest of this day. I was sleepy and fatigued, so I took a late morning nap. I didn’t have much of an appetite, so I tried to take in nutrition via protein shakes to replenish after a hard effort. Just those 2 hours of bright sunshine made me stay indoors for a few hours, and I only went outside again late afternoon to watch a cover band play at the Sandbox.

Sunday long run views

I had a deep, restful night’s sleep and could have run on Monday, but I knew I had a lot of work to do that needed extra mental bandwidth. I let it be a rest day from running and formal exercise, but I took many small walks throughout the day to shake off the long run’s effects on my body chemistry.

Tuesday was frustrating because my normal hour and a half commute turned into 2 hours, I had to strength train one of my clients as soon as I parked, and by the time I could start my own run, I had to cut it short to be ready for my next one. Unfortunately, this client canceled on me at the last minute while I was in the shower, so I couldn’t do the 11 miles on the plan. Running double-digits during the week is already difficult, but when people change their plans on you it’s even more frustrating because you went out of your way to accommodate them, when your own training is much more taxing and regimented. I’m a go-with-the-flow person during downtime, but if I have something scheduled, I fully commit; changes throw off my whole day and affect when I work out, take a mental break (since I’ve never smoked), and eat.

I was now on my third week of overwhelming anxiety, and it hit me like a Mack truck on Wednesday morning. I felt it build on my drive to the gym before work. The daylight was weird, and I felt like my pupils were tiny with eye strain, as if I was getting a migraine but without any rain in sight. The air was drastically cooler outside, and I couldn’t tell if my shaking was due to that or nerves. I kept having flashes of heat and I felt like I could relate to Eminem’s lyrics, “his palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy…”. My shaking only got worse when I parked at the YMCA by work. I sipped on a protein shake, thinking maybe I needed a blood sugar boost. After slowly putting my stuff in a locker and walking into the main gym area, I noticed all the squat racks were taken, so I went to the turf area to stretch and work on mobility while I waited. I felt dizzy and off, so I tried just walking on the treadmill to shake off the nerves, but it didn’t seem to help. At work, I took a few walks outside in the chilly air and made a doctor appointment because I had enough. The bad part was that because I was a new patient, I had to wait another 3 weeks until the appointment. Healthcare in the U.S. is great, right?

I ran 10 miles slowly on Thursday and felt fine during my time on Sandy Hook, but I felt that lingering feeling before and after the run. My appetite was off, so any time I had the smallest bit of a food craving, I ate whatever calories I could keep down. I just wanted this to go away.

It did not, however, go away. I had a big attack on Friday and didn’t know if I needed medical attention. Maybe I should have called an ambulance if I was that worried, but I called my parents. I physically had trouble telling them what has been happening to me the past couple of weeks. My diaphragm felt stuck in a way, so breathing was labored. Talking did seem to help, since it was forcing me to take breaths, and my folks reassured me that it probably has something to do with the season changing and that I’m working hard. I let myself ugly-cry as I verbalized all the random mortality fears that have been popping into my head during this training season. After the long phone call, I was able to eat and took a late afternoon run on the flat Henry Hudson Trail to shake out the jitters.

I kept very close to my home for my run on Saturday morning since I still had lingering anxiety. I also had to drive us 2 hours away to PA for my niece’s second birthday party, so it had to be shorter than the 9 miles to have enough energy to drive and be around my very active nieces and nephew for the day. Although I was looking forward to seeing my family, my body chemistry had other plans. My appetite was still messed up, so I could only take in part of a bagel and watermelon, and I felt overstimulated at this playground. I wanted to run around with the kids, but I had to sit far away in the shade since the sun and loud noises of kids screaming was giving me a headache. Thankfully my body relaxed enough by the time my niece opened up the bubble machine I got her so I could experience her squeals of joy without pain to my senses.

Nothing seemed to go right this week. I only ran 42 miles when the plan was 55 miles, my schedule kept changing outside of my control, and my body felt out of control. I lost significant weight in a short amount of time (unintentionally), and I lacked energy when I was able to run. Scaling back the mileage was necessary, but it made me nervous for future weeks of training since I still had a few weeks until my official taper. I hoped that things would change for the better soon. It didn’t help that I got bad news that my childhood friends’ mother passed away; someone I used to see every Friday when I would hang out at their house. Just when I think happy thoughts, reality sucks me back into anxiety. I knew I was in for another tough training week ahead.